Im back on here due to several kind requests. I must admit Ive missed writing my blog, it is an outlet for me even if I often sit here with tears dropping on the keyboard.
It IS better now though, I can think and talk about it much more easily now. I guess thats why its called the 'Cancer Journey'. Ive been through the full gamot of emotions. Disbelief and denial at first. Then anger. Then a crushing devastation . Now its a calm acceptance, with a few moments of despair thrown in. I find I can even joke about it now with close friends.
It sure does make you evaluate your life. At first there were plenty of 'if onlys' - a feeling that Id wasted so much time. Now I count my blessings, and there are so many of them. I actually found myself telling someone recently 'In spite of everything I consider myself very lucky' The reason for this is I think Im in a pretty priveledged position now. I know Im time limited so I wring the very last drop out of every experience I have now. I sit and talk to, and more importantly, listen to the children so much more. I look at things with a new borns eyes Everything seems so much sharper and in focus. I have no fear, for what is there to be afraid of?