It hurts - oh Lord it hurts. Everday I expect it to get better, for my legs to be a little bit easier. For walking to be a little more comfortable. But it isn't. They both still hurt and it takes a huge amount of effort every day to get out of bed and get my legs moving. It's SO tempting to stay there, all nice and warm and comfortable. I really didn't expect it to be this painful for so long - although having both legs done together can't have helped.
The infection in my right leg has cleared up and the wound is slowly healing. But just as one positive thing happens another negative one comes along. This weekend I've had a pain under my right breast, where there is a tumor on a rib, which has got increasingly worse. Last night it was unbearable. Nothing relieved it. No amount of pain killers and no change of position helped. Mary came round first thing and after examining me and consulting with Dr P. they decided Ive probably got a fracture in that rib. So my morphine has been increased once again with some ibruprophen thrown in for good measure. If it is a fracture there isn't much that can be done about it - it will heal in it's own good time.
Ofcourse I immediately jumped to the conclusion that this was a sign of progression and got quite upset until Mary pointed out it wasn't. Especially as all the other tumors show no sign of growth at all. I guess I just have weak bones which break easily where there is a tumor present. On Thursday I'm going for another infusion of Zometa which should strengthen them and help prevent them breaking again.
Generally I'm feeling pretty rough. No appetite, nauseaous all the time, tired and depressed. Mary thinks I could be aneamic again and the blood tests I'll have on Thursday will answer that. But I'm not sure how to deal with the depression. Iv'e never had it before. I've always been able to look on the positive side of things but at the moment I can't because I can't find any !
Today (Thursday) Martin and I managed to get to the QE for my blood tests - despite the weather which has been dreadful here. Yet more snow is disrupting the traffic here and its so COLD outside. I don't notice it generally because I don't go out - but when I do it is freezing!! We have had snow on the ground since before Xmas and several nights the temperature has fallen below -10c. Edwards school has only closed for a couple of days which is pretty good considering a lot of schools have been shut for days on end.
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17 comments:
Jane am so plased to see that you are writing again, I know it must be so hard waiting each day for an improvement,it will come, bones are healing and legs will grow stronger,as the weather gets better,so will you, the depression is so understandable, you have had a very big battle you have been fighting and of course you are tired and down in sprits, hang on ,one day at a time, and that day will come when you stand easier.thinking of you with prayers daily.
AWW JANE MY LOVE I WISH YOU WERE HEALING FASTER TOO..SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU POSTING...HURRY UP SPRING AND SOME WAM SUNSHINE ON YOUR FACE AYE??
HANG IN THERE...
Dearest JAne, I am glad that you were able to givenus an update. We worry so much about you and contiually pay that you are feeling a bitty better..As tinkerbell says you have been battling for such a long time it stands to reason that there comes a time when you haev to just lie back and let everyone else in your "army" carry you along...
spring will surely be along soon.
God Bless
Much Love Sybil xxx
Hello Jane,
So sorry to hear about your 'bones' - shall i do a little song and dance for you .....'oh them bones, them sly bones'....what do you mean, STOP, be quiet .... hmmmm....oh well. It must have been a shock to your system to feel all that nasty cold when you went outside. Please keep warm, please keep happy - don't let any depressing thoughts into your mind. Think nice happy smiley thoughts. You are such a brave girlie, we all love you so much.
Jaynee X
Good to read your post Jane......soooo happy to hear that things are improving. Rest and don't rush....take care.
Debbie
Hello Jane, welcome back! Nice to read Martins blog comments, but so much better to hear it from you! Don't put up with depression Jane it's nothing to be afraid of or suffer with, accept meds if you think it will help, I DID and they helped me come to terms with things, now I'm a happy smiling person again, well most of the time! Cold doesn't help the joints or bones so warmer weather will be most welcome! Talk to the nurse and seek help to get you back on top of it all don't expect too much of yourself even the most logical person can admit small moments of wanting to shout and yell! Jackie xx
Nice to see you posting again and yes its blooming cold out there!
Hi Jane,
Came by to see how you are doing.
Hope your depression lifts soon.
Must be very dificult for you to deal with.
Thinking of you lots.
Keep warm.
Love,
Herrad
Good to see you back blogging, Jane. You're doing very well indeed, it is not an easy journey you are on, but sticking it out. You'll come out the other end with two whole legs and one healed rib. Keep going!
Jane we miss you but know you are going through very trying time. Try to keep from getting discouraged. You went through a lot with both legs and your body has been badly beaten up. Good for you to move around but be careful not to overdo it. Take it slow. Take things hour by hour. You're a legendary Warrior. We're all praying for you.
Hi Jane
Glad to see you're writing again. Thinking of you lots and wish I could make your legs heal quicker
Andy
Jane,
So nice to see you back again. I check everyday for an update. Glad to hear your leg is healing. Hang in there. You are one tough girl & you will get through this.
Hugs from Ontario, Canada.
Joanne
I'm so sorry you are still in such pain, Jane. I'm glad that infection is healing, though. Take care, and hopefully that rib will heal soon. Is it possible for them to give you something for the depression? Just something temporary?ya
Hello Jane and all, how are things going? The snow has all gone from here now, though they forecast more for Weds. typical as that's my macmillan club day and it's been weeks since it's been open!
How are your energy levels Jane? Are you still on the new drug or is that a no no until you've healed? I know it works differently to sutent but haven't researched it nearly enough to know the ins and outs of how it works. Have you looked in that bucket list lately? any small want to do's that you can bring to the front of the list yet? Spring is just around the corner and it will be so welcome for all of us.
Give us a pop in visit Jane let us have a short update, even if only to vent your frustration.
Jackie xx
Hi Jane,
Just checking in to say hi and hope that you are feeling a little better everyday.
Spring is right around the corner and I just know that you will be feeling so much better when more sunshine arrives.
Take care and know that you are in my thoughts!
Deb
you take care. love mort xxx
dear jane - sorry the healing is not progressing as quickly as you'd like, you are so strong, i have no doubt you will come through this. please please please get some medical help with the depression if you haven't already. mental health is essential for physical well-being. i wouldn't be here today if i hadn't turned for help. and perhaps try some meditation or mindfulness each day - i find having a book of 'daily sayings' has been a real help for me, to focus on a positive thought each morning and return to it throughout the day to carry me through when needed. hugs and love to you as always from across the pond,
Karen in Ottawa Canada
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