My birthday was a strange day - nice but strange.
I had a weird sense of unreality all day. I know I should have been ecstatic, over the moon, jumping for joy, but I wasnt. I guess after living under a death sentence for so long it takes a while to get your head around the fact that (God willing), you will almost certainly live for a good few years yet.
And see my daughter married.
And see more grand children (hopefully in that order !)
And enjoy Martins retirement and do all the things we planned to do.
Nothing is definite yet. Nothing is guaranteed, especially in regards to kidney cancer, but I have a real reason to be optimistic now. IL2 is working and although the word 'cure' is hardly ever used 'long term survival' is. Long term being over 10 years.
So everything has changed and its taking me a while to adjust.
And ofcourse in the meantime I still have at least one, and most probably two, cycles of IL2 to endure. The thought of it still fills me with dread. Im not ashamed to say Im scared. Apparently a lot of patients refuse further cycles of IL2 - and in a way I can understand that. But to me that would be giving in - and Im way too stubborn to do that.
So Im off to Christies again tomorrow with the thought that however tough IL2 is on me - its a hell of a lot tougher on the cancer Im fighting.