Sunday, 20 January 2008

Back down to earth.....

My birthday was a strange day - nice but strange.

I had a weird sense of unreality all day.  I know I should have been ecstatic, over the moon, jumping for joy, but I wasnt.  I guess after living under a death sentence for so long it takes a while to get your head around the fact that (God willing), you will almost certainly live for a good few years yet.

And see my daughter married.

And see more grand children (hopefully in that order !)

And enjoy Martins retirement and do all the things we planned to do.

Nothing is definite yet.  Nothing is guaranteed, especially in regards to kidney cancer, but I have a real reason to be optimistic now.  IL2 is working and although the word 'cure' is hardly ever used 'long term survival' is.  Long term being over 10 years.

So everything has changed and its taking me a while to adjust.

And ofcourse in the meantime I still have at least one, and most probably two, cycles of IL2 to endure.  The thought of it still fills me with dread.  Im not ashamed to say Im scared.  Apparently a lot of patients refuse further cycles of IL2 - and in a way I can understand that.  But to me that would be giving in - and Im way too stubborn to do that. 

So Im off to Christies again tomorrow with the thought that however tough IL2 is on me - its a hell of a lot tougher on the cancer Im fighting.

 

7 comments:

infectiia said...

At least you have something to aim for this time, youve had a good result, so its worth it in the end.  Ill be thinking of you this week.  You'll come through it and it'll be worth it.   xxxx

funnyface0s0 said...

Hi Jane - Hope all goes well next week, not far to go now, all the best.
Luv Jaynee X

cayasm said...

The treatment sounds traumatic, but the benifits immense, good luck tommorrow and by being stubborn you'll see and have those things you listed.

Take care

Yasmin

pharmolo said...

I am glad for you that you are able to look forward, and have a very good chance indeed of seeing all those things happening. Wishing you strength with the IL2.

tellsg said...

God willing you will live for a good few years especially as you are fighting this with everything you can going through painful treatments.  It will be worth it.  I can't wait to see the entry you do in a few years' time on your daughter's wedding and see you pictured with her in your gorgeous outfit and hat.  Hmmm, yes, I am looking forward to seeing pictures of new grandchildren too.  Positive thoughts for courage and strength for you.  Good luck this week.  Hugs, Tells x

faircolleen said...

I will be thinking of you.I so hope it will not be as bad as last time.Good luck .

jeadie05 said...

I am so pleased this is working for you ,but gosh the price you have to pay ,You are so brave ..love Jan xx