Well Im back home again after another yukky week up in Manchester. I know its not Manchesters fault but Im really starting to hate that city! It was more or less the same as the second week of my first cycle - lots of vomiting, rigors, fainting and seeing things - this time I was convinced there was someone living in my bathroom ! The nurses are used to me and my hallucinations by now bless them, and they just smile and shove some more gabapentin down my throat !
Adam, the nice resident doctor on the Chemo ward, popped in for a chat while I was sane and concious. He started talking about 'durable response times' - the word 'cure' is still rarely used it seems. He was basically cautioning me not to get too carried away, just because Id had a response to IL2 didnt mean it would be full and 'durable'. In other words Jane, youre still living under the Sword of Damacles and probably will be for a very long time. Which is fair enough - at least I am living !
At Christies they have a group of ladies called 'Looking good - Feeling good' They come round the wards and give you a make over - hair and make up and a bit of aromatherapy - which sounds lovely but when your lying flat on your back, vomiting and shaking, it would take more than a hint of pale pink lip gloss and some blusher to make me feel better. So I had to decline it when offered. Which is a shame because I could really do with it now. Im a lovely pasty ashen yellow colour, face peeling again and dark sunken eyes. They could rename it for me - 'Looking good - Feeling awful' !
Even though Im feeling so dreadful right now I know that in a few weeks Ill be feeling better. I know this is only temporary - and that really helps. Ive been down this road before and horrid though it is, there is an ending in sight. I know I have a good 6 weeks before my next CT scan and (probable) next cycle of IL2 and I intend to make the most of it. Unfortunately Im a bit limited by the hickman line dangling out of the top of my left boob, but Im even getting used to that now. It doesnt hurt and I can tuck it into my bra so it doesnt get into the way. Martin is still very wary of it - Im sure he thinks if he accidentally pulls it I will deflate like a blow up doll !
As you can see Im up at 'stupid o'clock' again - its the itching. I wake and its like I have an army of ants crawling all over me. I can either lie in bed tossing and turning and disturbing Martin or I can get up, have a drink and wait for it to settle a bit. Which it always does eventually. And being a lady of leisure I can catch up on my sleep during the day. There is something delightfully naughty about going to bed for a snooze in the afternoon - I simply love it !
Its half term next week (groan) and a positive plethora of birthdays in this family. Catherines on Valentines day - James' on 20th and on the 18th its Martins 50th !! I really cant believe he is going to be 50 - he is fitter and healthier than most men half his age. Which is a good job really as I seem to be coming apart at the seams !
8 comments:
It's lovely to hear you back to your usual witty self! Lots of love xxx
Well, it's not easy, but am impressed with your positive spirit at this difficult time. You'll sail through this lot :-))
Although the treament is difficult you appear to coping really well, and being home with Martin and your family makes things better. Your very brave all things considered, also you manage to keep your humour intact.
Take care
Yasmin
xx
Ps Congratulations on your "Nice Matters" award from Morton
http://journals.aol.co.uk/mortonlake/caringandsharing/
Yasmin
x
You are doing well kid. . you know the pattern of things and how you WILL be well soon.So you can look forward to making the most of it again. My hubby is 50 this year too. . believe me he never thought he would reach it after his journey through illness.Thinking of you and wishing you the best of health.
Congratulations on getting thru all u have so far Sprite !
I know people are looking out for ur future, but I reckoned u needed a big pat on the back for what u have endured, and beaten, THIS far... talking of endurance, good luck with half term too !
Pleased that you are home again and that you are getting through the treatment although I feel for you. Its about time they had a treatment which didn't involve so much suffering. Had to giggle at the looking good - feeling good, although its a wonderful idea. Have a nice rest now from it and gather your strength. Hope all the birthdays are good fun, especially your Martin's 50th. Hugs, Tells x
Very well done getting through yet another treament ,awful tho it is Ipray each one is makingg you better ,Ilove your posirtive attitude it must be so hard somtimes ..love and continued prayers .Jan xx
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