Well Im back home again after another yukky week up in Manchester. I know its not Manchesters fault but Im really starting to hate that city! It was more or less the same as the second week of my first cycle - lots of vomiting, rigors, fainting and seeing things - this time I was convinced there was someone living in my bathroom ! The nurses are used to me and my hallucinations by now bless them, and they just smile and shove some more gabapentin down my throat !
Adam, the nice resident doctor on the Chemo ward, popped in for a chat while I was sane and concious. He started talking about 'durable response times' - the word 'cure' is still rarely used it seems. He was basically cautioning me not to get too carried away, just because Id had a response to IL2 didnt mean it would be full and 'durable'. In other words Jane, youre still living under the Sword of Damacles and probably will be for a very long time. Which is fair enough - at least I am living !
At Christies they have a group of ladies called 'Looking good - Feeling good' They come round the wards and give you a make over - hair and make up and a bit of aromatherapy - which sounds lovely but when your lying flat on your back, vomiting and shaking, it would take more than a hint of pale pink lip gloss and some blusher to make me feel better. So I had to decline it when offered. Which is a shame because I could really do with it now. Im a lovely pasty ashen yellow colour, face peeling again and dark sunken eyes. They could rename it for me - 'Looking good - Feeling awful' !
Even though Im feeling so dreadful right now I know that in a few weeks Ill be feeling better. I know this is only temporary - and that really helps. Ive been down this road before and horrid though it is, there is an ending in sight. I know I have a good 6 weeks before my next CT scan and (probable) next cycle of IL2 and I intend to make the most of it. Unfortunately Im a bit limited by the hickman line dangling out of the top of my left boob, but Im even getting used to that now. It doesnt hurt and I can tuck it into my bra so it doesnt get into the way. Martin is still very wary of it - Im sure he thinks if he accidentally pulls it I will deflate like a blow up doll !
As you can see Im up at 'stupid o'clock' again - its the itching. I wake and its like I have an army of ants crawling all over me. I can either lie in bed tossing and turning and disturbing Martin or I can get up, have a drink and wait for it to settle a bit. Which it always does eventually. And being a lady of leisure I can catch up on my sleep during the day. There is something delightfully naughty about going to bed for a snooze in the afternoon - I simply love it !
Its half term next week (groan) and a positive plethora of birthdays in this family. Catherines on Valentines day - James' on 20th and on the 18th its Martins 50th !! I really cant believe he is going to be 50 - he is fitter and healthier than most men half his age. Which is a good job really as I seem to be coming apart at the seams !