Yesterday everything seemed sorted, planned. I had seen Mr Peart and he was going to remove my lumps on 17th April.
Yesterday I was still upbeat and positive - happy the ways things were progressing and confident Sutent would work for me.
Yesterday I caught sight of something that for the first time ever filled me with despair.
Under my right arm pit a new lump has appeared. And its big, the size of a golf ball. It wasnt there a few days ago so it has grown very rapidly indeed. Its above the one next to my boob (which has also grown but not quite so dramatically) and is visible from the outside, not just on palpation.
This will change everything. I doubt I have the time to wait until after the operation to start Sutent, let alone till after our holiday.
Im having a CT scan on Monday and will see Dr P on Thursday for the results - and to show him my new lump. Im pretty certain it will mean starting Sutent immediately - but have we left it too late? Is my disease now so aggressive its rampaging out of control ? Ofcourse a lot will depend on the CT results too - its the tumours you CANT see that are most dangerous.
I must admit this has me worried sick. I know the score. I know once cancer turns so aggressive and is either untreated/untreatable the situation can deteriorate very rapidly. It could be a matter of months - or even weeks.
I havnt got time to die now. Ive got too much to do. Im only just starting to feel fit and well after IL2 and Im bloody determined to go on holiday later this month. I feel so frustrated by this. Ive done everything that was asked of me, been the most compliant of patients, suffered the horrible treatments, the pain and discomfort and it now appears it may have been for nothing.
So now I have a few anxious days ahead before I find out exactly what is going on and how serious this new development really is. Im trying to be positive but I really fear the worst.
AND my hair is still falling out !