Saturday, 3 November 2007

No Mans Land.

I feel as if Im sitting in No Mans Land.  Not sure whats happening or which way to go.  I still havnt heard from Christies, Im not sure if thats a good or bad thing, but Ive been filling my time reading up on IL2.  Im quite sure that IS a bad thing.  The more I read the more scared I get.  The most information comes from the US where it is routinely used for suitable patients.  Here in the UK its rarely used, mainly because of the care costs involved, keeping a patient in ITU for weeks (good old NHS - all down to money yet again)

And ofcourse our holiday is rapidly approaching - 6 weeks away now.  The one thing I have learned from all my research is that if I have IL2 soon there is no way I will be fit enough to go.  NO way.  I need this holiday.  We all do.  And its more than just a holiday - I havnt seen my brother for 6 years, and Ive never met my nephew.  And this may be my last chance.  So....can I postpone my treatment till I come back?  It would only be by a few weeks.  I know Dr P said now is absolutely the right time to have it, whilst Im so well and my immune system seems to be working well - horn still gone etc.. but surely a few weeks wont make much difference?  Psychologically it would be better and hopefully my physical condition wont have deteriorated - I may even come back stronger.

Can I afford to take the risk and wait?

And if I decide to have IL2 before - I may never get to go.

Ive had a little bit of good news.  My application for Sutent is being reviewed on 13th November - and Dr P is very confident it will be approved.  Once it is approved he can prescribe it whenever I need it.  So if IL2 fails, or I cant withstand the treatment, I shall have that to fall back on immediately.

Martin checks me regularly for lumps - as he was intructed to by Dr P.  He seems to quite enjoy this and I have to admit Im partial to it too.  He got all excited the other day when he found one on my little toe - but it turned out to be just a corn (phew)

So....back to No Mans Land - and waiting......



tellsg said...

I hope you get your holiday, you certainly need it and to see your brother and little nephew although in my opinion best to talk this over with you doctor to see what he thinks is best.  Good news about your Sutent being reviewed, I hope you get it approved.  Blimming NHS makes me so mad about the lottery of drugs.  You made me giggle about the lump searching by Martin ... he is certainly taking it seriously getting down to your little toe.  Have a good weekend.  Hugs, Tells x

devilzangel83666 said...

Yanno Jane, one thing I have to come really appreciate lately is that everything happens for a reason. No point sweating it because what will be was meant and how trite does that sound? whatever the outcome of your holiday, or not will be the best thing. Leave it up to fate x