Im having a bleak day. I dont have them very often, but today is bad.
I saw Dr P this morning at the Cancer Centre at the QE. What a scary place. Its huge, there must have been over a hundred people in there waiting. So many cubicles and waiting rooms and treatment rooms. I must have looked like a terrified wide eyed rabbit when i went in because the receptionist was so kind and kept telling me not to worry.
This is the reality of having cancer. Sitting and waiting with so many other people, some looking so ill, others looking like me ,quite well. Numbers being called out. Wheelchairs and stretchers awaiting their patient. A 'Koffee Korner' where a couple of ladies with kind friendly faces make drinks. 'The Patrick Room' where all kinds of info can be found, and MacMillan nurses offer help and support. Im not ready for that yet. I scowl at them, daring them to approach me. They dont !
Dr P is such a gentleman. He had his Registrar with him this morning, she looks about 18. I guess that means Im getting old.
Dr P submitted my application for Sutent last week. With 'URGENT' stamped all over it. He fully expects them to get back to him this week asking for further information and intends to reply immediately and 'set a fire under them' in regard to accelerating the process. He is still very confident I should get it. My 'horn' has grown significantly and needs removing. But my need for Sutent is even more urgent. Im going back in 2 weeks to see him and I need to start taking it then - one way or another.
So...being positive (or really really trying to be!) I have a week off next week. Im thinking of going away for a few days on my own. Just to write and 'be'. Its a mere 7 months since I was diagnosed and I really havnt had time to catch my breath since then, its just been one thing after another.
Sorry for the gloomy entry today - I promise to perk up tomorrow x