On Sunday we had a lovely day out. We went to a christening, and mixed with 'normal people'. By that I mean people who were unaware of my illness so for a few hours I could almost forget about it. Almost. When you are first diagnosed with cancer everything changes, it completely colours your world. So its such a nice change to 'take a break' from it.
It was great to dress up, put a frock on and wear high heels - although its been a while since I wore them, Im sure I was walking like Dick Emery !
The overall effect was good though and I had lots of people, who I havnt seen for ages, tell me how well I looked. Which just goes to show doesnt it? You can be seriously ill and yet look healthy and well on the outside. So I just smiled at everyone and said "Yes Im well thanks" when people asked. To be honest only family and close friends know anyway and maybe a christening isnt the best place to announce I have a terminal illness!
One positive aspect to come out of this is that our family, Martin, me and kids, have become so much stronger. We always were a close family, but now we seem really united. Not just them looking after me, but all of us looking after each other. The kids especially. They still bicker occassionally but its as if they recognise what the other is feeling, and react accordingly. Just little things, like making each other drinks, choosing which film to watch without arguing, Catherine helping Edward with his homework - its nice to see. Its comforting.
I miss James dreadfully. The house seems so big and quiet without him. He calls regularly, every few days, and tells us what a brilliant time hes having. I have a feeling he is checking up on me too, without saying as much. Ive told him the bare bones of whats happening right now but keep it very light hearted. Hes doing exactly what he should be doing, getting on with life. Hes still staying with Karen near Brisbane right now but plans on moving up to Rockhampton and meeting up with his mates soon.
So today is the big day. Im off to see Prof H. Im trying not to get my hopes uptoo much. I need to get my 'horn' removed as soon as possible, its starting to hurt now and its getting quite big. Martin jokes and says he could hang his jacket on it ! Talking of lumps, which I seem to very regularly, Im growing yet another new one. Just under my right breast near where I had the 5 removed a few weeks ago. Im growing a 3rd boob!
Id like to see M&S fit me with a bra when it gets a bit bigger!....haha !