Quandry....

So, yesterday I woke up feeling much better.  They grey skies had lifted (figuratively and literally) and I was feeling in a much more positive frame of mind.

Then I had a phone call from Professor Hawkins' (One of the top blokes in the country on RCC) secretary.  And he wants to see me next Tuesday at Christies Hosp in Manchester.  I know Dr P sent him my histopathy for his opinion but I really didnt expect to go and see him.  So ofcourse now my mind is working away 19 to the dozen wondering what on earth he is going to say.  Surely he wouldnt ask to see me simply to say 'IL2 wont work - stick with Sutent'?

All this uncertainty is so stressful.  I had just settled down and now it seems Im being tugged off in yet another direction.  Its exhausting.  To be honest Im getting fed up with it, if I only have a few months left I dont want to spend them charging all over the country seeing different consultants.  And I certainly dont want my hopes raised, yet again, only to have them dashed later.

Poor Martin, Im sure he is fed up of it too - although he would never say so.  Ive tried asking him how he feels, or if he has any questions, and he simply says 'If you are happy then I am'.  And I really believe that.

Ps.....Ive just checked the Christies Hospital website.  And the Unit I have to see Prof Hawkins in is a designated clinical trials unit.  So I guess I know why he wants to see me now.