Tuesday, 18 May 2010

My Man

I'm really worried about Martin. Terribly worried in fact. He is under such strain at the moment - and for once I'm not talking about me. Its his job. A short while ago there was a big change in the department in which he works - and in fact runs. His workload increased dramatically - unfortunately his workforce didn't. And the burden has fallen on him. He hasn't even been given basic staffing levels and has been told there will be NO new staff employed in the near future.

So - he has this terribly stressful job without the staff to do it with and he is trying to cope with the children and the house and everything that's happening to me. Poor bloke. I'm worried for HIS health now. He needs to take care of himself. Ive told him to go and see our GP and have some time off work - but hes a man....and men don't 'do' GP's apparently.

I love this man so much and its tearing me apart seeing him like this - I cant help feeling guilty too - as if some of it is my fault.

When my legs stopped working and I was admitted here 2 weeks ago it was blatantly obvious Martin wasn't prepared for my dying. Not at all. He has since admitted as much himself. So he needs time to do this. And talk to someone. A close friend maybe.

Martin went to see our GP this evening and has been immediately signed off work. Dr A. said he was amazed Martin had coped for so long.
I'm SO relieved.


LYN said...


karen in ottawa canada said...

good for Martin to get the time off work - that is essential for both of you - to have this time together to adjust to your latest situation, to help each other, to love each other. I hope he is strong enough to completely leave work behind for a while - in the bigger picture, it's only a job - spending time with you is much more valuable. he has to remind himself every day that both you and he need to spend your time as best you can together, so in future you & he can look back and honestly say 'no regrets'. living life with that in mind makes the picture so much clearer. hugs to you both.

Jan said...

Karen in Ottawa,has said it so well Jane ,it wont hurt for Martin's employers to see how much he does ,only his absense from work will prove that point ,take care of each other ,Love Jan xx

Jeanie said...

Dear Jane

I'm so happy that things have worked out for you and Martin. It is for the best all round.
Now you can both have some quality time together.
Some people pooh pooh stress! It is real and can be a killer. My husband had a heart attack in the middle of my chemo through stress.
At least your Martin can now wind down and concentrate on you.
And himself too.
God bless you both. You deserve this little bit of happiness and break from everything on the outside that was taking over.
Much love and prayers.
Jeanie xxxxx

ADB said...

I'm pleased Martin has been signed off. As his doc said, he has done extremely well coping with all that's been going on. Full marks to you too, Jane.

Heather said...

SERIOUSLY... have these people no compassion at all? You would think they would be concerned about an employee with a seriously ill wife! I'm glad he is getting a break and I will pray that God will meet all your needs - financially, emotionally, physically. Thanks again for allowing us to share this journey with you, Jane!
God Bless!

Funnyface said...

Hello Jane,

Gosh poor Martin, what a difficult place he is in at the moment. None of us like to admit we need a little help, we just battle on don't we? You two just need to focus on each other for a while and i am glad the Doc has given Martin time to do that.
Big Love
Jaynee X

Sybil said...

I am so so glad that Martin has been string enough to go and visit the Dr. good on him. We all know what a wonderful man he is and a few weeks away from work pressure will do him the world of good
God Bless you both,
love Sybil xx

Andy said...

I think the previous posters have said it all. However putting it from a mans perspective I suppose we have been brought up to be the provider/protector and when things dont go to plan we do not like to admit failure by seeking help. However there are times when we ALL need help and its good that Martin has managed to get some time off to recharge his batteries.

Lori J said...

Dearest Jane,

Sending you hugs, love and asking the Lord to comfort and give you peace that passeth all understanding...I sure know how much we need it in these deep valleys we walk in our life.


Deb said...

The role of Caregiver can indeed become very stressful when your loved one is not doing so well. We all need to take time for ourselves as well on occasion and take a break from "cancer", even if only for a day.
Don't misinterpret..I'm sure Martin is like myself...so blessed to be right there providing love and support to his better half.
Martin, you are terrific! Enjoy your time off and recoup. Honestly, I don't know how you have managed with work and being such a great caregiver to Jane.
Then again, that's been the secret to Jane's great progress - having such a devoted and caring husband and family by her side...what a blessing!!!

Take care of yourselves folks....you are a terrific couple and such an inspiration to all of us!!!

mortonlake said...

jane,poor martin,im so glad the dr has made him take time off.stress can kill.been there,done that.so both of you,take care,love mort xx

Ally Lifewithally said...

I am so glad Martin went to see his Doctor who signed him off work ~ Let us hope things will get better at his workplace and they realise more staff are needed ~ Ally x