I'm still not sleeping too well.. For some time I've been waking in the early hours, unable to get back to sleep for ages.
But recently things have changed - I wake because of the very strange, very vivid dreams I've been having lately. For a good few moments I'm very disorientated - unable to distinguish between dream and reality..
This was quite frightening the first few times it happened. But by now the night staff are used to 'them' and 'me' and 'bring me round ' gently.
Thank goodness they are here. It would be horrible at home on my own! And not to say dangerous as the first thing I try to do is get out of bed - with legs that wont work !
The cause of these dreams is the heady cocktail of drugs I'm taking, especially the steroids plus all the stress I'm under.
The night staff are wonderful - they sit and talk to me quietly, make me a coffee and some toast and when I'm ready to sleep again they give me a lorazepam and watch whilst I nod off.
But what would I do if I were at home with no one watching me at night? For the first time ever I am happier and feel safer here than at home. For the first time ever I don't want to go home. I want to stay here, safe, with my night angels.