Most of us will happily admit to a fear of something funny or irrational, like snakes or birds or balloons etc...but to acknowledge you are scared of something which is entirely understandable seems to be cowardly in some way. You are expected to be brave.
Well I'm scared about Monday - very scared as a matter of fact. Just thinking about it and my stomach turns over.
Maybe that's the problem?
Maybe just lying here I have too long to think and worry about it?
For instance, the anticipation of pain can be almost as bad as the pain itself. Just knowing I'm about to have my traction re-done - and how much it will hurt - is enough to bring tears to my eyes, literally. Before the first wave of pain hits I can start to cry, knowing whats coming. Does this make it worse? Yes I think so. Any tension makes pain worse. And yet who can honestly say they 'relax' when told to do so by a doctor knowing full well something IS going to hurt?
Fear is the same kind of thing. Its only there when you think about it - or have the time to.
That's why its 6.30am and I'm wide awake with unwelcome thoughts running through my head - and I'm scared.
Of what exactly?
I'm not exactly sure when I stop and analyse it.
Dissecting something, fear or otherwise, always helps to diminish its power.
So Im lying here trying to work out what exactly I'm frightened of - and if I work it out Ill let you know !