Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Return to the Bucket List.

The past 12 days Ive spent lying in bed, unable to do very much, feeling totally vulnerable and completely reliant on others for the most basic of needs, have been so frustrating. Its no wonder Ive felt so despondent at times - and then very angry with myself for feeling this way. Its been a vicious circle of pain relieved by morphine which has sent me a bit 'loopy'.

However, we have discovered that 'Entonox' (the 'gas and air' stuff that ladies use in labour) is really effective for when I have my traction changed. Its quick acting and short lasting so I don't spend the rest of the day floating around on 'Planet Morphine' having interesting hallucinations and conversations with people who don't exist! Its not quite as good at relieving the pain, after all this is a broken femur we are talking about, but it takes the 'edge' off it so I can bear my leg being moved whilst the bandage and traction is re-applied.

Talking of the 'break' I saw it in all its glory on the xray/scan and a right mess it is too. Not a clean break at all, both ends of the bone have crumbled and split into many pieces. No wonder its so painful when I'm moved with them all grating against each other. Mr Tillman is going to tidy up the ends, remove the bits of tumor and then insert the bionic femur - and I will be better than new ! I also saw the tumor in my right femur which is much smaller, contained within the cortex so the bone is intact, and looks fine - to me anyway. Obviously we will be keeping an eye on it but it looks as if we have caught it in time.

I'm just finishing week 4 of Afinitor and all the signs so far are that it is working - and working well !! No growth in the tumors I can feel and the only side effect I have noticed is a sore mouth. I'm having some blood tests done tomorrow just to check things are going well, but I am allowing myself to be really optimistic that Afinitor is working as a sequential treatment for me. And what fantastic news this is for every KC patient here in the UK.

So there we have it. I'm back on track again after a short but fairly nasty deviation! And now I feel I'm ready for some kind of challenge - something to test out my new bionic leg and to renew my faith in 'me'. A return to my 'Bucket List' is called for I think.

My 'Bucket List' -things I want to do before I kick the bucket - has been sadly neglected of late. There are several small things left on there - and one BIG one. So Ive decided to go with the big one. I may as well. I think a BIG one is needed right now after all Ive been through.
One last adventure.
One last fling at the world.
But where?
There are still so many places I would love to see.
And more importantly how? Martin keeps reminding me I need to earn some money or I shall bankrupt him before I pop my clogs!! Ill start to save seriously now and who knows maybe some magazine/news paper would be willing to sponsor me as a cancer patient to write about my experience?
So - where would I like to go for this final big trip?
There can be only one place, one final frontier for me - Canada. The Rockies and the Inner/Outer passageway up the coast visiting the towns made famous during the gold rush, Skagway etc. A spectacular trip all round but most importantly its the last Great Wilderness for one last great adventure.

A chance to prove a cancer patient CAN.

And for those of us who arn't going to win the final battle in this war, we can show that, even in the process of losing it, we can gain such a lot.


Jackie said...

Canada wow that is a big bucket list wish. The rockies are so worth it though and a trip onto the ice fields is a must in a tundra buggy to drink whisky and fresh iced water! We went a few years ago to visit my brother and loved every minute as I'm sure you will. Also you have to go up in the ski lift at Jasper! I so hope you see bears we missed them. :-(
Jackie x

Sybil said...

Now then Jane just cos your feeling a lot better no need to go galivanting around the world...just yet !! but sure think Canada would be a great choice...Never been up the passage..but certainly been up and round the rockies etc etc....more than once and it is a stunning area... Wish I had your snail add. as I could send you some nice photographs just to keep you going !!
Much Love God Bless, Sybil xx

Andy said...

The one trip I have always wanted to do is the cross Canada rail trip. There was an item on BBC Radio Kent recently where people were asked to ring in and give the one thing they would like to do before they die. Best answer of the night was 'to live'. I think that is so so true.


R Max said...

I would love to go to Canada! Hope you get there soon!

ADB said...

Well, you'll do the bucketlist, Jane. You will.
I'm pleased to find you've regained your positive outlook. Roll on next week, when your bionic bone is in place!

mortonlake said...

go for it.i see you are in this weeks YOURS magazine.mum has it every fortnight,i opened it first this time.lovely pics.and a very nicely diluted story.hope you get a lot of readers from the link they gave.hope everthing goes well,keep that pain under control,whatever it takes.you keep in there my friend,love mort xxxx

Lori said...

I hope you do get to take your Canada trip. And it's something you can plan while you're laid up. I do wish the medication did a better job of relieving the pain, but I'm glad it doesn't debilitate you to much while you're taking it.

pam said...

Hey Jane, Lovely to see you here again. Not that I don't like It when Martin takes over cos' he Is fab! But It's great to have you post. I hope all goes well with the repairing of the leg ( I made It sound like a table was being fixed! lol ) On a much more serious note... Canada? Sounds amazing Jane and just the tonic for you. If I only had the means I would be on route to give you the readies. I hope and pray amongst all hopes and prayers that you get there. Mort told me that you are In Yours magazine. I will buy a copy tomorrow when I'm at the hospital. After re-reading the last 4 lines of this post, I must go and dry my face with the cat again. I am In complete awe of you. This Is the time when I wish I could hold on to you for a cosy cuddle. Keeping you close to me as always, Love Pam. xx

LYN said...


karen said...

Dear Jane - I'm thrilled that you've chosen Canada for your bucket list - c'mon over! The Rockies are awesome - I'd say all of Canada is awesome, but that might not be too objective! I haven't done the passages but boy, oh, boy, if you're in the area, I would do my very best to make the trek west to have a cuppa with you! a mere 5000km - easily done!
You keep that adventure as your focus while you get through the nuts & bolts of fixing that leg of yours - and I look forward to meeting your smiling face on this side of the pond.
Hugs and hugs,
Karen in Ottawa Canada

Joanne said...

Canada eh! That's awesome. Keep doing what you're doing Jane. You ARE going to beat this.
If you happen to venture further (like Toronto or Niagara Falls) I would love to meet up with you.
Take care, be strong & positive as you always are.
Joanne (Ontario, Canada)

Daria said...

Jane I'm from Edmonton just a few hours from the Rockies ... they are breathtaking.

Hope you make there soon!